D is for Discipline

In the 1980’s sixty nuns agreed to donate their brains to science after they died. (You can google this, there are many articles.) 

Each of these women had, as young women, written autobiographies of their lives as part of their application to join their order. Those essays had been saved; health study researchers could read them. They discovered that women who used words like happiness and joy lived, on average, ten years longer than the women who talked about sorrows, loss, and duty. 

Which leads right into D is for Discipline.

Children are continually harangued that they need to ‘learn discipline’. Often this wisdom/propaganda is braided into the stories about the difference between successful people and folks who are lazy failures. Really? Is it essential to the turning of the planet to share toys, do chores promptly, and both go to bed and get up promptly? Boy, was I surprised as an adult to learn how many awesome people did not do all the ‘disciplined’ things. 

What is discipline good for?

1. It’s a really good tool towards getting and staying healthy. You know, taking medicine, being active, eating vegetables, and keeping your stab wounds cleaned. You should work at these. 

2. It’s good for keeping tracks of things you care about. Knowing the birthdays of people you love, getting books back to the library on time so you can get more of them, keeping enough wine on hand, the concert tours of your fav musicians. Those are worth being disciplined about.

3. Discipline is valuable at your jobs where, hopefully, you get paid for your attention. Insurance claims, being a soldier, teaching grammar school, etc. If a salary is attached, it’s not discipline, it’s a job.

4. Safety checks. Years ago we had a friend who accidentally left his pocket calendar at our house. Len opened it to see who it belonged to and then turned to me with amazement. The ONLY thing he had notated was the two times a year he should check the batteries in the smoke detectors of his house. That guy accomplished so many important things in his life, but we loved that all he wrote down was “battery check day.” 

When is discipline negotiable?

1. Cleaning the kitchen counters. Mine are generally very clean but I regard this as paying homage to the women who raised me, not as an activity that actually makes a lick of sense. Unless you 1.) have mice or bugs, and 2.) are afraid of mice and bugs. (I am) Keep it real, you know?

2. Continually clean, fresh clothing on yourself and your kids. NEVER let sartorial splendor get in the way of mucking around in the garden, at a beach, on a trail. Or helping someone who needs help. 

3. Keeping your photos, memories, tools, and craft supplies in disciplined order. Obviously, it’s going to be easier to do the next home repair if you know where your socket wrenches are but that’s just one way of managing your time. One of the things I have learned living with Len is that our basement/garage tool area will be tidy and wildly akimbo in waves. If my website is working, then probably there are tools on top of rolls of duct tape next to random lightbulbs, interwoven with extension cords. If everything was orderly at once, I’d worry about him. Likewise, if my garden looks tidy, I probably haven’t written much lately. 

4. Keeping up with discipline is a good way for many people to ignore keeping up with their values. Just saying, kindness, happiness, sharing, and affection take time and energy.  So does sleep. 

…

A person can get all their ducks in order, or they can take some kids to visit some ducks; most days don’t have enough time in them to do both. When in doubt choose joy, happiness, creativity and friendship because it might give you ten extra years to get the dishes done.