Mary Beth Writes

Started this yesterday and couldn’t figure out how to say it clearly. Let me try again…

It seems as if nearly all social media has turned into a referendum and compendium of ways to think about Racism in America. This is good. This is necessary. Keep reading and keep sharing.

I’ve been walking. Here in June the new-blooming flowers are lusciously beautiful; flowering shrubs are in their Full Glory. My eyes, used to shades of slush, are dazzled by lavender phlox, white and purple lilacs, by Bridal Wreath spirea draping over itself.

(Oh NO! That beautiful phlox is actually invasive Dame's Rocket. Well, carry on .. but how sad.) 

I remember the two blocks between my two grandmothers’ houses. Tree-shaded Loomis Street was lined with modest, well-loved homes sitting next to each other like chubby kindergartners. I can still see the Spirea planted along their foundations, lilacs in front, irises beginning to unfold themselves into ballerinas. The flowers of early June give back to me my blue-eyed grandmothers. Rest in peace, Esther and Laura.  

Early summer feels like mercy.

Do you realize what I did with my photos and my writing?

I framed everything. The photos of the river don’t show you the street and parking lot that is right there.  Those effusive lilacs grow in a line of bushes that edge the parking lot for a strip mall on Grand Ave. The phlox are between the building used to store chemicals for the water department, and the railroad tracks.

I gave you a vision of spring collated from banal places in my old part of my old town. 

And my grandmothers? They were lovely women and I was lucky to have them. But not everyone’s grandparents are or were loving and worthy; associating flowers and grandmas is a connection not everyone gets to have. When I talk about sweet women who hugged me, does something in you feel sad or jealous or angry because you didn’t have a smiling grandma with Bridal Veil growing outside her dining room window?

I’m not done yet. Keep reading.

This week I finished reading Oracle Bones by Peter Hessler. I read his River Town last month. Both books are excellent, and I highly recommend. He writes non-fiction like others write fiction. He pulls you in.

He asks this question. “How do we learn what kind of people and nation we are?”

He talks a lot about written Chinese which is famously complicated. Chinese doesn’t have an alphabet (there is a dangerous 20th century history to this). Chinese is written in characters. Depending on how you define and count, there are upwards of 100,000 characters, although to read about 90% of a modern Chinese newspaper, you ‘only’ need to know about 900 of them. 

What does it do to one’s sense of who they are to share a language that goes back 3000 years? Scholars can read what was written in 1250 AD because ancient characters are related to modern characters. China is a huge country with different ethnic and cultural groups who speak different languages (there are big variations within spoken Chinese). Yet they all share the same written language. What unites China is its 3000-year old record of government decisions, property and trade laws, and poetry – all written in the same language. 

The frame for Chinese understanding of their own culture is their 3000 years of written history of what they have done up to now. This is interwoven with their heritage of Confucianism (no longer much in vogue, but the predominant philosophy of how to live for centuries). Which makes for a culture where people make decisions on the basis of what will preserve the elders, the family, and the nation. Things are changing fast, but education is a priority of China and they continue to educate and support education that is conservative in the Chinese way.

Nothing is as simple as the paragragh I just wrote. I read 700 pages of Hessler and you just read a couple paragraphs of me - and all I really learned was what some of the best questions are. Do not source me as an understanding of Chinese culture!

But if we think about what’s the frame right outside the picture we see, it is interesting that the frame for modern China is a complicated ancient written language mostly understood by and passed down through the most educated people in the society. Men (and some women) who were preserving their own families first. Peasants were tools to produce what the fine families need.

There’s a frame.

Hessler is having a conversation with a Chinese friend who was educated in both China and in the West. They are talking about what is the modern language that passes along culture and values in the US. The friend speculates. “I think your movies. Everyone goes to the movies. You have a common language of movies you have seen, and how people behave in them, and what you think about that.”

Which brings us back to frames. When we look at our nation under siege right now, we have such opposing worldviews. Did we see two sets of movies? (and TV shows and social media and computer games?)

When you think about the response you have to what’s going on, and what you will continue doing and what you will do differently – check what’s framing your decisions and responses.

It’s interesting.

It might even give you more clarity and courage.

What movie, book, TV show, game, social media platform seems to call you forward? 

What’s our frame? What's your frame? 

Comments

Beautiful, but unfortunately, it's not phlox. It's dame's rocket--not a good thing. https://www.wiscontext.org/dames-rocket-invasive-confused-phlox-common-sight-wisconsin
Mary Beth's picture

Oh No! Four petals, bad. Five pedals, good. I didn't know. Thank you.

I just had the dame's rocket discussion yesterday in Rockford, more on that later... As for memories of Grandmother's Our Paternal Grandparents were dead before any of my siblings were born, so no telling who or what they were... My Mother's Parents on the otherhand I know well since my mother came back with my older siblings when I was born on the island... I was left with "Mama Y PaPa" as I affectionately called them until the age of two when they flew to Chicago to pass me back to my parents... I still can recall the sweet tropical sent on their skin and the wonderful wrinkles they both cultivated on... Grandma's porcelain white, and Grandpa's as dark as a French Roast coffee bean, real life salt and pepper shakers and I loved them both... The smells I grew up around in that house were of banana, mango, guava, breadfruit, avocado, and all sorts of exotic fruits... Thanks MB for bringing back some happy memories... I said I'd get back to dame's rocket and also an update on dating in this Covid Age... There is only so much texting, emailing, phone conversation's and Zooming two people can do without ever really seeing if all that can match the reality of the two people involved... For Mr. P and I it was four months of this sort of thing after he first contacted me on an online dating site... We agreed to meet on the 3rd of June covid or not... We both have younger sisters in healthcare... We did social distancing, mask, hand washing and sanitizer for the time leading up to this person to person contact... We met at 9am and that first date nervousness that usually happens did not... It was like finally catching up with an old friend, we pretty much new everything we would have had to have talked about already... Good , Bad, Happy and painful, we already new most of that stuff... What we didn't know was if the image we each had of the other was wishful thinking ¿Or were we truly as compatible as it seemed? from a distance... I drove to meet him with a car full of plants, Sofrito, and fresh green salsa, while he planned out our first outing together, Andersen Gardens... He had Dame's Rocket so I did my thing about how invasive it is... His sister said that she wanted to meet me after she got out of work... We had an amazing time together, and with his sister who's normally afraid to get covid but as I was heading back home asked if she could hug me? As she did she said that she hopes to see more of me in the future... The future by the way is next Wednesday.( THANK YOU COVID )
Mary Beth's picture

This is so cool, Franc! And Mr. B! And I think it is adorable that he brought you a plant that is "wrong." This a good week in which to misidentify beautiful flowers... We could all use a lot more small mistakes and a lot less huge ones.

Very interesting.. Thank you..

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Happy Birthday to Len

11/30/2022 

Today is Len’s birthday. I told him this morning I might write about him but I would let him read whatever I said first. He said not to run it past him, he’d like the surprise of reading it when you all do. Let’s see what I come up with.

1. This is cute. Len was born in Chicago’s Passavant Memorial Hospital which was the grandparent hospital to Northwestern’s Prentice Women’s Hospital - where two of our grandkids were born.

Stories, Q Club, Us

The photo is not by Len or me, its from I Love Canada on FB. I've seen a sky like that just once. 

11/21/2022

Last week I read two books about young people who left their homes. They experienced some good and too many rough experiences and they couldn’t go back until they figured out how to not be who they used to be. Both novels knocked my socks off.

The People You Keep by Allison Larkin

Covid Diary #979 - Still Paying Attention?

11/17/2022

Yes, it’s been 979 days since Friday the 13th, March 2020, when everything changed.

Last Saturday one of our kids visited for several hours with their kids. It was fun though our kid looked tired. They said they’d taken a Covid test that morning and it was negative. They figured it was the wine and rich foods they’d shared the evening before with friends at the end of a very busy week.

Next Day - What Are You Seeing?

11/9/2022

It was a late night last night, wasn’t it? Len worked at a polling place 6:30 AM until 10:30 PM. He said the actual experience is a lot like working retail (which he has not done since he was 22). Stand up most of the time, pleasantly say the same thing over and over. Wonder if lunch is soon.  

Professional reporters and pundits are talking a lot about “what just happened”, but heck, we are noticing interesting things, too.  Let’s talk about what We The People saw and heard and are watching now.

Here are some things catching my attention.

Election Day

11/8/2022 

So many times I’ve thought things were going to be okay, and then they weren’t. My dad had that heart attack and the kid who was MB back then told herself to not overthink the drama because things always turn out more or less okay. Then the next day he died.

We lost a pregnancy far enough along that we had a name picked out and a crib in which to put that child. For a week I had all the misery and cramps that go with miscarrying and I still thought somehow it was going to work out okay.

That Beep-Beep-Beeping Moment.

In spring Len got a $100 traffic ticket when he turned right at a corner we’ve been turning right at for seven years. However, construction had started and there were orange barrels and cones everywhere – plus a small sign NOT facing the street Len was on, telling drivers to not turn there.

Len went back later that day and took photos. Len called the city to mention that if they posted a sign that actually faced the traffic, the city could save the cost of the cop parked there ticketing drivers.

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