Quarantine Diary #56, 5/7/2020 Shontay's week & What did I do last night?

Shontay is a new friend. I first met her last fall as I started to work a little each week with her bright and sunny 3rd grade daughter. The teacher in the class was frustrated that some of her hardest-working students were not getting the extra attention she would love to provide for them, so she asked if I would like to work with this particular kid. “Yep, I would!” This little girl lights a room with her smile.

One thing led to another; I met her mom and her also-awesome 4th grade sister. Shontay and her daughters came to my house. The girls came a few more times (our dollhouse pines for them). We were on our way to becoming real friends when Covid hit. The visits stopped and now Shontay and I stay in touch by texts.

Shontay’s daily life is one more story going on in this pandemic. I asked if I could include some of her ups and downs in this diary and she is very willing. I will always run these past her first, she knows what we are saying here.

Shontay has four kids. The girls’ dad lives and works in Milwaukee; he is a correctional officer and also has continuing duties in the military so they don’t get to see him frequently. The 4- and 5-year-old boys’ daddy also lives in Milwaukee. He takes the boys on weekends although that can be a little anxiety-producing since his job is in a nursing home. They go through a lot of soap, handwashing, and hand sanitizer at Shontay’s house.

I asked Shontay what was sweet in the past week.

“I bought some games at Walmart and we have been playing them a lot. Trouble, Sorry, Uno. Games like that. The boys don’t really understand how to play but we let them play anyway - and then we cheer for them when they “win” even though they didn’t win. We laugh a lot. It makes the time pass.”

Shontay found some YouTube channels that suggest projects to do with kids. This week she bought a plain white tablecloth and taped it to the kitchen floor. The kids painted their feet and walked on it! They also painted hearts and other designs on it.

How cute is that?

I asked her what is frustrating or hard.

She talks about trying to shepherd the kids through their online lessons on their tablets. The 4-year old is not too hard to help. “I’m just supposed to make sure he plays with blocks. Sometimes I have him draw shapes. It’s not hard.”

“The 5-year old works on shapes and numbers. There is just one app he uses and I can help him with that. He had a zoom call with his teacher and some of the other kids this week and I helped him do that. We got it done.”

“It’s harder with the 3rd and 4th grade girls. Each has to work with more than one app each day. Sometimes a teacher asks them to download a new app and they ask me for help and I’m not good at this. It is frustrating. This week one needed to do a video call with her teacher and a few other kids, and it was stressful to figure out how to do it and to get the audio to work.”

I ask how much time they spend on schoolwork. She gets the kids up and going by 8:30. They start work by 9 and they go until 11:30 or noon. She spends 2-3 hours each day directly helping her kids do their online lessons.

Shontay worked as a home care assistant before Covid. She had to quit that job because she has her kids to care for. She hopes to return to work but can only do that if and when childcare becomes available again.

We will hear more from Shontay, as time goes along.

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Yesterday I did not do Social Distancing correctly and I’m still thinking about how this happened.

The kid of relatives was having a milestone birthday. We were invited to a simple outside celebration at their home. We said yes because we like these relatives and we like the kid and hey – family!

It’s about a 40-minute drive to their house and halfway there I remembered that we forgot our masks. We texted ahead that we didn’t have them. They said no problem, they have extras. When we got there no one was wearing a mask but I didn’t even really think about that, I was so focused on seeing folks we hadn’t seen in so long. No one hugged, we just all smiled and chatted. In the next hour a few more friends of their family and of the kid arrived. In all there were about 20 people, no masks. No one touched each other and people stood maybe three to four feet apart as they talked. It was outside and chilly. After an hour Len and I ate cake and came home.

In the middle of the night I woke up realizing what had happened. I had spent an hour among 20 people. No one stood super close but no one was maintaining 6 feet of distance, either. I’m not here to criticize other peoples’ decisions. Having good relatives is a good thing. But how did this happen? How did I forget my own boundaries and decisions?

Today I put a sign by the backdoor (the one we use when we take the car) to remind us to take our masks. That will help. I don’t mind looking awkward in a bunch of people who don’t have them. It was just that everything seemed so normal while we were there. No one got in each other’s faces so it felt like distancing even though it wasn’t.

Some of the people there, if they read this (they won't), would think I was overreacting. There are many people around us these days who assume that if things feel normal and under control, then they are. I could cite the statistics that say otherwise, you know them, too. Right now, we are losing more than 3000 people a DAY in this country. Quarantine and Social Distancing are the strongest defense and offense we currently have against Covid. And many people don’t have the choice to stay out of harm’s way – grocery stores workers, sanitation workers, medical care providers, people who work in businesses where they are mandated to work or be fired.

I won't mess up again. I will see friends and have friends over to our backyard. We will wear masks and/or maintain six feet of space. Awkward is a lot easier to deal with than “I can’t breathe…” .

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