Mary Beth Writes

Regarding that Debate. 

I’ve been at a zoo when a cranky monkey starts throwing poop. That remembrance came to me last night. Watching Uncle Joe try to answer questions while Trump trash talked everybody and everything except white supremacists – that was damn ugly.

Remember; Biden overcame a childhood stutter. I know part of that training is for the person to take deliberate breaths, calm themselves, think about what they want to say and how they will say it. That Biden could do that last night says powerful things about his character. I think the worst Biden did was call Trump a clown. Which is up from what many of are calling Trump.

Trump’s character was there for all to see with his “Tantrum as Political Strategy” learned from Roy Cohn. “Cohn tutored Trump in the methods of transactional power laundering…” Which means if you aren’t getting what you want, accuse the other person of anything dirty and scurrilous, do it loudly and repeatedly, and while they are defending themselves take what you want. (Read more about Cohn here.) 

But here’s the thing I really want to say.

For many of us, especially women, especially baby-boomers, last night was a trigger.

We grew up when it was fine for men to have tantrums because - they had stressful jobs; you know? Women’s job was to soothe and accommodate. If we couldn’t do that, then it was up to us to leave the room or the conference table or the arena. Hopefully before they hit us or our siblings or our kids.

I have specific memories of my dad, my brother, some men in churches I attended, some male teachers - yelling at others or sometimes yelling at me. I was never hit, and my memories are less toxic than other people’s memories, but I’m not in a mood to downplay my own lived experience.

I grew up assuming that to be hyper-vigilant about men and their moods was the signature of a fully-fledged woman. Damn that.

It is no coincidence that the woman Trump and Senate Republicans are aiming to jam into the Supreme Court DOES live in a world when men’s moods are women’s burdens to manage. That’s BS.

I don’t know how powerfully I can say this, but no one should need to leave the room because of someone else’s rage and power. Last night, in honor of the always-anxious kid I once was, I stayed to the end. So did Len. If you turned off the debates because it was so awful, fine.

I want to remind us today that we shouldn’t have needed to walk away when we kids, or when we were young partners in new relationships. We do not have to apologize now for turning off the TV or staying with it to the end.

Trumps’ behavior last night was toxic crap. It is not our job to understand him or to apologize for our feelings about him. We are in trigger territory when a person - any person including the president - is sputtering threatening, illogical, verbal bile that makes us feel anxious or scared or assaulted.

Our only job is to vote and do what we reasonably can to encourage and support others to vote.   

I decided to remind us of this. We have a month left and then whatever craziness happens after the election as votes are tallied. Hang on to your hats, your heart, your self-esteem, your sense of humor, and to hope. 

That was crazy. You are not crazy.

 

 

 

Comments

That was no debate. The moderator should have manned up and shut it down. I lasted an hour. The orange faced mass Murderer really gets on my last nerve and my first nerve. I have no respect for him...everything is I, I, I except when it involves taking responsibility for screw-ups and he has had many. He does have a punchable face and the lips of a petulant girl.
Mary Beth's picture

And yet, that seems to be what so many want. Someone to be the front brat, I guess. There's leadership, for you.

Never in my 81 years have I ever seen something so disgusting and childish from a president of the USA. Pathetic and scary!!!!
Mary Beth's picture

Yup.

Thank-you for this entry. It helped put words to some of my feelings about that sorry excuse for a debate!

I didn’t watch. Feeling outraged all the time throws me off my center and I’m just really tired of that. Whenever I get a little anxious lately I just send a little more money to Biden or the senate races and do a small task to improve my life or someone’s life near me.
Mary Beth's picture

Isn't it CRAZY that we have done so much thinking and clarifying in our lives and our relationships to make them kinder, clearer, less cluttered, less distracted, less angry. Did all that, and now POLITICS is triggering us back into hunkered down survival strategies? It's nuts.

Perhaps the people who support this kind of chaos haven’t had any experience to help them understand that life doesn’t have to be like this.
Mary Beth's picture

I'm sure they haven't, but they have the resources - books, conversations, good insurance, $ in the bank, flexible schedules, people who care about them - all that and yet they choose what's dark and narrow. To choose that when one lives among choices, that is its own kind of evil.

It’s true. It’s not an excuse for the guys using their power for harm.

First, thank you for giving words to my own jumbled thoughts about this. Second, thanks for reminding me it can be honorable to stay in the room. Or not. Just thanks.
Mary Beth's picture

So many of us have "Been there, have that T-shirt."

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Making Memories?

This morning the Washington Post has an article about how we make memories. Interestingly, just because we say we are “making memories” doesn’t mean we are. Most little kids will not start making many memories until they are around age 8. Memories get stuck in our mind if they involve several senses and we are going slow enough to pay attention. If one WANTS to remember something, stop paying attention to everything else that is going on, focus in on the thing you care about using more than one sense. Recall it again later. Deep sleep on it overnight and good luck with that.

Three Things & One Announcement 7/16/2021

Thinking Outside the Box: 

Len once told me this WWII story. The first generation of bomber raids from England to Germany resulted in a terrifying number of bomber planes being shot down. Experts carefully examined the returning planes to create detailed reports of the bullet holes as they tried to understand how to reinforce the planes to make them safer.

Three Things 7/7/2021

Israel’s Health Ministry this week announced that the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine — one of the world’s most effective shots — was offering only 64 percent protection against infection and symptomatic illness caused by the delta variant.

The vaccine was still highly effective at preventing severe illness and death, the ministry said.

(I read this in the Washington Post, though it’s other places also.)

7/5/2021 Three Things (Don’t miss Highland Mitzi)

Last year was the Covid quarantine so most of us didn’t do very much over the 4th of July holiday.

This year, with half Americans now vaccinated there’s more freedom to do things and be with people.

Three Things (Well, Four) 7/1/2021

Bill Cosby is out of prison on a technicality. The judge said 40-year-old Britney Spear still can’t run her own life. Yesterday 88-year-old war criminal* Donald Rumsfeld died comfortably in his bed.

My gut is twisting. How are you? Power, injustice, and money still row the boat that we’re all on. This nation is playing whack-a-mole with justice, hope, and human rights. It feels ominous. I thought I would just mention this in case you thought it was just you that felt assaulted this morning.

Nope.

Three Things 6/23/2021

Almost two years ago I went to a local optical store for an eye exam. The nice optician said I had a cataract and he could refer me to a specialist. He also said I could wait but if it got worse, I should see to it (hah, see to it…).

I have considered my looming doom several times a week since. Low grade anxiety. Don’t you love it?

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