Mary Beth Writes

I’m reading a new book about the Upper Midwest, late 1500’s - 1750ish.  The book is Indian Women and French Men; Rethinking Cultural Encounter in the Western Great Lakes, by Susan Sleeper-Smith - and I am reading it as avidly as my granddaughter listens to story hour. 

This is from the introduction: “In kin-based societies, behaviors change as people struggle either to attain or retain symbolic capital – what people sense as honor, prestige, respect, or authority.”

Kin-based societies: Most Indian nations were comprised of loose but related groups of kin-based smaller families.  You might live with 50-150 people who were more-or-less related to you.  Several times a year your kin-group might travel to some mutual place and hang out for bigger ceremonies, meetings about issues that were coming up (those Iroquois that will not stop decimating you), flirting among those who were of an age to flirt, admiring each other’s babies, sharing and coordinating the assets and knowledge gained in the past few months or year.  But your primary living group was small enough so that you knew how you belonged to it, who was in charge of you, and what your role in your society was. 

We still often live like this. We may belong to a nation of 330,000,ooo people, but if your people told you to not wear white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day – you might wear white shorts to your town’s 4th of July parade because it’s okay to do that on the 4th.  It’s part of your kin-based values.

I grew up understanding that my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all believed that regular church attendance was part of “our values”. We also always wore clean and modest clothes, baked things for people we liked, washed our cars, did our homework, were ALWAYS on time to our jobs, plus we didn’t swear, sing, or act joyously in public.  We had VAULES: respectability, reliability, understated sense of humor, kindness, and being determined about our religious faith.

Then I grew up and moved away. It was weird getting used to people who did not adhere to my kin-group’s rules.  I mean, large people who wore TIGHT pink pants?  OMG, the world is ending.

But I kept meeting great humans who wore tight pants, didn’t even know how to bake (how do they live?), and who drove terrible cars held together with dirt and duct tape. (I had a taped-together car for a while. You can’t wash them.)  I met and liked immensely people who sang in train stations because the echo was awesome, didn’t go to church, who didn’t have high school diplomas or jobs.  So I have been reassessing my values for decades now and I’m not done yet.  Sometimes these days I wear the same t-shirt two days in a row.  Sometimes I skip church.

Here we are, 4th of July in America for all 330,000,000 of us.

Way too many of us are still living as if the only values to have are the ones from our kin-group. 

You know what I mean. They are dirty. They are lazy. They are criminals. They don’t belong here if they can’t speak English. They wear head coverings I am not familiar with, so they must be terrorists. Those women dress like sluts. Those men all drive trucks with engine problems. They are all Catholics. They don’t believe in anything. Their voodoo gives me the heebie-jeebies.  

I already know the point of the book I am reading, although this writer is clearer and the whole book is going to be about what I read in one chapter in one book last year.

The point is this:

For nearly 200 years Illini Indians and French fur traders encountered and married each other. They lived in prosperous communities along the upper Mississippi and Lake Michigan. They became aware there was money to be made and handsome, strong children to be reared if they could figure out how to live and work together.

 It was a complicated but interesting piece of the American story. Everyone wanted safety, income, respect, and healthy kids. Yes, there many parts to this story that were not great, but the overarching reality was that people from extremely different societies changed parts of their core values in order to live in peace and prosperity.  

So next time you think “Those people…” stop yourself.  When someone from your kin-group lays in on “They are so bad, lazy, unwelcome because…” argue back because it is unamerican. 

This nation has been strongest when we encounter each other, consider and respect each other, and then together figure out how to cook amazing food, build amazing businesses, and raise amazing children.

Together we invent new and mutually-held core values - curiosity, a humorous humility, persistence, and the low American hum of modest greed.

Comments

Beautiful

Fascinating subject followed by intelligent analysis. If only the lessons you have extrapolated from the book could be taught to all...what a wonderful society we would then have. I will start by learning myself and just maybe set an example for another.

I try but don't always succeed in excepting others not like me although I do pretty well... I was raised catholic but didn't buy in to the indoctrination the church was trying to impose on my young brain... I couldn't believe that a loving god would be sooo cruel as to condemn me to eternal damnation because of my feelings so being excepting of other religions came naturally to me.It's a start...

You always make me think combined with a little laughter.

Great post. Thank you. Patricia/Fl

Add new comment

CAPTCHA

This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

WHITE CAKE!

The picture is our wedding cake, made by my friend Karen, who drove it from Indiana to Chicago on the hottest day of that year. It was in the back seat so their two little boys had to ride in front (remember when kids could ride in front?). They got lost in the city but I didn't know that for years because Karen and her husband start early and had time to get lost and then figure it out. Sometimes wedded bliss is a lot of work. 

The following story and recipe is not about the wedding cake, but it is the photo I have...

...

6/30/2022

How Do We Remember What We Remember?

6/30/2022

The Jan 6 Hearings, huh? This is an amazing moment in US history and I’m trying to understand our incredibly intense response. Four of 10 voters have watched at least some of the hearings, which is 20,000,000 people. It’s not just me that can’t look away.

Our Terrible Canoe Adventure

The eagle photo was taken by Len - but not on this trip! 

6/23/2022

We are fine but I have a tale to tell.

American Successes / American Failures

Did you ever have to tell the truth when it was hard? Did you ever lie to avoid a hard situation?  Did you ever know a hard, wrong thing but you told no one because it was going to be complicated and some people wouldn’t believe you and you might end up disrespected or worse for “telling on” someone else?

Most people work hard at learning truth-telling when they are 4 and 5-years old.

Molecule Moving

6/8/2022     

I didn’t know a Panoply of Dental Moments was coming my way this week, but such is life with teeth. One can brush, floss, slosh, and swish - but if one’s teeth want to crumble, they do. Yesterday I had my six-month cleaning. The hygienist said several times that I brush and floss beautifully. I was proud and thinking maybe I would give myself a “well-done” sticker when I got home. Then the dentist came in to do the check-up and said two fillings had cracks around them and needed to be replaced.

Rough Stories, Tough Week

6/1/2022 

Last Friday evening on PBS Tonight David Brooks said something like this. “I am afraid for all of us. The news just pummels us.”

There are as many tough stories as there are fingers on a closed fist. The shooting in Uvalde. The shooting in Buffalo. The corrupt power of the NRA and other obscene wealth-mongers that are destroying our society from the inside of elected reps’ pockets outwards. Ukraine. Global climate mayhem. Oh, and covid is everywhere. Less traumatic for most; long covid for some. So that’s six fingers on that pugilistic fist.

Tag Cloud

9/11 17 minutes 500 Words AARPtaxes AAUW abortion Acadia accident Accountable Advent anniversary antlers apples appointments Arrows art Ashland August Augustine baby Badlands balance Baldwin Barkskins Beauty Becky Becoming Esther Berry birthday bistro BLM BookReport books boy scout Bread BrokenDays BuyAngry Cabeza de Vaca Cahokia calendars Canada canoe cat romance cats cello Chicago China Choosing Christmas cilantro Cinnabuns circus clouds Clowns clutter Colonialism comet ComfortZone CommonSense community consumerism Cops Corvid-19 Courage Covid-19 Crazy creditreport creosote CrimeShows death Debate December DecisionFatigue decluttering democracy dentist depression Destination Today Detroit Didion disasterprep dogs dollhouse Dreams Duty Easter eBay Eclipse EmilyDickinson eschatology Esquipulas exit polls eyes Fable FairTrade family farmer firealarm Fitness Five Flexible flu Fort de Chartres frame Franc FrancGarcia friends frugal Frugality frustration Ft.Ticonderoga Gannets Garden GarfieldParkConservatory Gaspe genius geode GeorgeFloyd gerrymandering ghosts gifts girls gorgons GovernorThompsonStatePark Graduation granola groceries Guatemala gum guns happiness HaveYouEver? hawks healthcare Healthinsurance hearings heart HelleKBerry heroes hike History home HomeRepair Honduras Hope hurricane impeachment Innkeeper Instincts integrity InternetPrivacy Interview InviteMe2Speak James Baldwin Jan 6 Janus JoyceAndrews Judy JulianofNorwich justice Karen Lamb LangstonHuges LaphamPeak laundry LeeLeeMcKnight lemming Len Light Lincoln Little Women LockedOut Loki loneliness Love Ludington Macaw macho Manitoulin MargaretFuller Maria Hamilton Marquette marriage Marsden Hartley masks Mayan MayaWorks meme Memories men Middlemarch MilesWallyDiego MindfulChickens Mistakes MLK moon Mother MothersDay mouser movies museums must-haves Mustapha Nancy Drew New Mexico New York City Nomadland Ocotillo OnaJudge OscarRomero osprey Outside oximeter Parade mayhem PastorBettyRendon Paul Hessert PDQ Penny persimmon photos Pi Pies pineapples poetry Preaching privacy Protest Quern quest Questions Rabbit holes racism recipe recipes recommendations Remember RepresentationMatters Reruns responsetoKapenga Retirement rhubarb rime RitesofPassage Rosemary Ruether Roses Ruth SamaritanWoman Sanctuary Sandhillcranes Santuario de Chimayo SaraRodriguez sculpture Sermon ServantsoftheQuest sewing Shepherd Shontay ShortStory shoulder sick sickness Slower snow Social Security SofritoBandito solstice South Dakota SpaceShuttle spring square feet staining stele Stereotypes StoryStarts stress Survival swim taxes teenager thankgsgiving Thanksgiving TheBridge TheMaid ThePerpetualYou ThreeBillBoards Three Things ThreeThings TidalBore TimeBeing toddler Tom tortillas Trains travel Traveler Tubing turtle Twilight Bark Tyrone Ukraine UnrelatedObservations Up North urgency vacation vaccine Valentines vanilla Vietnam VivianWokeUpDrowning vole volunteer WalkingAndSeeing Wampanaog war WarsanShire weather weaving wedding whines WhyAttendChurch Willa WillaCather Wisteria
Ad Promotion